Bellatrix doesn’t like love. She loved Sirius, and he betrayed her. She loved Andromeda and she did the same, she even loved Regulus but now he’s dead. Love isn’t a good thing, she thinks.
But she knows he loves her, in his own strange way and something inside of her knows she loves him too, but neither of them say it. Not usually, at least. Sometimes it’s whispered reverently in the heat of the moment when they kiss or when they fuck, and sometimes she hears Rodolphus murmur it almost silently when he thinks she is asleep, but they’re never open about it.
Love is for fools and poets and people who don’t have to fight a war. Love is weak, love is manipulative. Love hurts, and Bellatrix cannot handle that kind of pain again. She’d rather Chinese torture.
But it’s late and its so hot and both of them have had more than too much to drink and Bellatrix is feeling oddly happy, she’s forgotten that love is a weakness and that she doesn’t like it. Just like she doesn’t like Sirius… or she does, but she wont let herself think about that too much. She is straddling his lap, facing him and her cheeks are red which Rodolphus finds odd, even in his drunken state, because she never blushes. But it’s the liquor, it has to be, because she has nothing to be ashamed about, she has never thought she had. He says something stupid and she laughs, her head thrown back and she almost tips over backwards but he catches her around the waist and she somehow avoids spilling anything from her glass or falling off of him. After a moment she rights herself and she’s grinning again, but it’s a kinder grin then he’s used to from her and its vulnerable in an odd way, but she’s always been a bit odd.
She kisses him, but its awkward and sloppy because they’re both drunk and it’s strange and somehow it feels like their first kiss all over again, except that she’s not trying to scratch his eyes out. They’ve been kissing for years, but it still seems weird and new and when her tongue seeks his own he allows it, and their lips and tongues tangle in a wet mess but she tastes the same to him as she always has, sweet but bitter around the edges and perhaps tangy. There is more bite from the whiskey, he knows but he can’t really taste it because he’s had so much himself. They accidentally clash noses and she laughs softly again but doesn’t pull away and it is awkward and strange and somehow they both realize this is how love is meant to be treated.
She drops her glass and fire whiskey and glass scatter all over the floor but she doesn’t care and neither does he, because it’s only glass and they could afford enough of them to build Hogwarts from the ground up and still have plenty of money. His fingers are digging into her waist and she shifts slightly towards him and she grins some more and Rodolphus finds he cannot look away from her smile and she kisses him again, and it’s different from before. This time its still hot and wet and awkward but it’s for more fire behind it and she’s moved forward enough that her whole body is pressed against him and he kisses her back, but it’s not possessive, its warm and needing and loving. It must be the liquor again because Rodolphus thinks his checks have turned red, but he’s too proud for that. He doesn’t blush.
And then he kisses her neck, bites and sucks and somewhere in his mind he knows he’ll hit him in the morning if he leaves too many bruises, because she’s not really a whore and doesn’t want to look like one. But she’s his wife and Rodolphus doesn’t care if she hits him for his because right now she’s moaning and it’s so beautiful and that’s what makes it’s obscene. And right now he doesn’t care if she returns the gesture but he wants her to keep making that sound, that purring moan because it’s music to his ears and he’s never heard anything more beautiful.
His fingers run along her waist and she nearly giggles, and Rodolphus realizes for the first time that she’s ticklish. That is strange and new and he wonders why he didn’t work it out before now and this sobers him slightly, but only for a moment. Bellatrix is strangely aware that he’s looking at her breasts, and to tell you the truth she’s never noticed him do that before because she was so used to it. And she wants to play with his hair and just feel him but she’s not sure why and she doesn’t like being not sure. He seems to read her mind though, and if he wasn’t drunk he might have tried, well he kind of thinks he didn’t but isn’t in the best of states to assess the situation so he forgets it, especially since she’s rocking her hips back and forth and his trousers have suddenly become very uncomfortable and Bellatrix is grinning wickedly at him. She’s somehow gotten rid of her shirt without him noticing and her bare breasts are sitting in front of him and she’s excited, he can hear it in her breath.
He doesn’t want to fuck her in the dungeon of their manor where the room smells of liquor and sweat. Well, actually that might be him, but regardless. He doesn’t want to fuck her on the chair like she’s some animal, not that he doesn’t like that it’s just that he loves her and he wants to show her, but he’s afraid to tell her that because she’s never liked love and he never forgets that no matter how drunk he gets. He wants to pick her up but when he tries they both end up on the carpet and he’s on top of her and she rolls her eyes but the smile never faded from those lovely lips of hers.
She slips and she didn’t mean to say it but it’s too late and Rodolphus cannot believe his ears but he saw her lips moving an she says ‘I love you’ and he thinks he heard her wrong but she really does blush now and he knows she said it. But before he can reply she’s kissing him again, fingers clumsy and pulling at his clothes and she’s trying to distract him but her words sobered him because he had never heard her say that to him like she meant it. He knows she’s not lying because he knows her, more then she thinks but she hasn’t noticed he’s not so drink all of a sudden because she’s not all that bright at the moment and he can’t blame her really.
So he does what he always does and he leans down and kisses her and it doesn’t take long before they’re both naked on the floor in front of the fire near his chair and Rodolphus knows he’s the luckiest man on earth and hopes he won’t ever forget this because this kind of behaviour on Bellatrix might never come again and he wants to have a part of it.